HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUG!

--

I'm watching the Simpsons episode where Bart joins 4H, shows a calf only to have it win first prize then finds out it's to be slaughtered. Because 4H likes to have young kids get attached to baby animals then laugh in their crying face.

I know because in 6th grade i joined and showed a lamb i named Yoda. I loved it. Took care of it almost every day. Helped sheer it and bathe it and made it pretty. The day of the showing i found out if he won he'd be sold to Publix or whatever. He didn't win. Because, well, he was scrawny and too stubborn to do as i friggin said. I personally liked the moment he was expected to stand in line perfectly still and quiet but he baaa'd instead and i grinned at him. The people in the crowd behind me were all WTF. "She's smiling at it??" I know, right? I shoulda cut him up right then and given the rednecks lambchops, huh?

Anyway, Yoda stayed on campus for a while until our teacher decided feeding him was a pain so he sold him to some farm. Hopefully just for his wool. Never saw him again. He'd just baaa defiantly at me anyway.

If you go to my userpics page, are some of the images broken? My account isn't expired and my image limit isn't up. WTF?

Roadtrip was only 72hrs. Who the hell has a "historical" roadtrip through a country for only three days? And they kept showing up late to everything because either Colin being a girl and wanting to detour through scenic routes was true, or they kept parking to have carsex. Plus they'd show up to a place (all of which there was, like, four) and go "Any proof?" which was met with "No, but it's pretty, right?" At the very least i could zone out to the Irish accent for half an hour.

Dear Merlin Writers: There's a very big problem with canonically declaring Gwen Arthur's "one true love". OTL's do not usually go around being in love with another man. In fact, i'm pretty sure they wait more than two days for their OTL to come rescue them before throwing themselves at said other man. OTL's should probably have actual conversations and time together and everything Arthur and Gwen don't have. I'm pretty damn sure OTL's don't marry you only to sleep with your best knight and start the downfall of the greatest kingdom on earth. So, like, where the fuck are you going with this, you assholes?

No love,
Wisecracks

I really, really wanted to go to Vancouver for the olympics. It's probably too late to find any hotel rooms, right? Plus it's easier to watch everything on tv rather than beating crowds to the events. Say yes so i feel better.

( Merlin ranting because you expect it )

In related news, the Merlin and Arthur actors went on a roadtrip through Wales together. I will watch this and imagine lots of sex.

Dear Glee: More Artie and less tone-deaf Finn. More Mercedes & asian chick (sorry, name?) and less nasal Quinn. Also, there are more plots you could have besides who-loves-who. I know, right? Weird. STFU and sing.

Went to chiropractor yesterday. Oh god, that felt good. She knew exactly where it was hurting before i could tell her. When asked, she said she knew because it "didn't feel normal" where she pressed in. I'd also been feeling weakness in my left leg but with a couple pops it was back to strength. After this is all over i need to get insurance so i can go to one regularly.

Happy Thanksgiving BTW.

Remember how with almost every episode of Ed, Edd & Eddy (my god, how many years has it been on?) there were gags subtly pointing to Eddy and Double-D being a couple with Ed being their retarded kid? Yeah, well, their series-finale movie kinda kicked that subtlety in the nads. After i stopped gaping i had the odd urge to clap.

Did you buy your Vassalord vol.3 yet? Hmmm?

I was in a car accident on the 11th. Fucking no one in The Villages knows how to drive or should even have a license. Long story short, i was rear-ended but not fast enough for much damage or even the airbag to deploy. I pulled over and called 911 thankful i actually knew where i was (i'm horrible with road names). As paramedics fussed over me and took my BP three times (because when i'm anxious it goes wheeeee) i noticed they were all smoking hot. Is that a requirement for firemen and paramedics? "We can't have you ugly when there's lives to save!" We were only waylaid about an hour with the trooper writing the report and then i was free to go home to prepare for my mom to have a nervous breakdown.

My neck and all down my back is sore. Doc says i have muscle sprains all down my lumbar. That's mostly because i saw the guy behind me coming and tensed on instinct. Of course, my work is so short staffed on IV people that it's hard for me to take time off to rest up. I've been killing my back every day bending over patients and lifting supplies. Anyway, that's the most exciting thing happening in my life.

My back hurts, dude. I don't know what i did.

I had, like, 15 trick-or-treaters. Four of which were just local high schoolers in their football uniforms. I yelled at them "Your uniform is not a costume!" complete with disappointed!face. I didn't withhold candy tho. I know my old high school. Bastards would have kicked in our pumpkin or something.

My mission in life is to marry Matt Bomer. New evidence points to him not being totally straight, but as long as he's bi enough to sex me or at least let me watch. Okay, really, he can just lay there and let me stare at him. I'm not picky.

A little old lady pulled on my wolf tail then spanked my ass before leaving the IV room on Halloween. This is the only action i've gotten in 25 years of life. Is this sad?

I keep forgetting to keep up with my flist. The fact that it's currently bogged down with Christmas Music posts in OCTOBER is not helping. I want you to know it's NOT because i'm on Facebook. You'll find no gems and hidden insights on my daily life on there. I play games. I run a mediocre farm, cafe, city life, and theme park and plan my life around them accordingly. It's sad, i know.

In other news, i totally ignored calls from coworkers yesterday. It was my silent was of saying "Screw you, i wasn't told to work the weekend so i won't." Besides, they didn't leave messages therefore it must not have been that important. Logic.

Someone tell me when Merlin improves. I'm still reading pre-s2 porn so my heart still hopes. Or is that my hormones?

I gotta stop reading recaps. Is the whole. fucking. season just going to be Arthur/Gwen nonsense? And Lancelot?? WTF, what is the time frame between episodes here?! Is this the definite last season? Does a quota have to be met? Technically, in this universe, Lance has first dibs but i still hate his lying guts. No offense, whatever-Isaac's-name-is. Sadly in this universe Arthur is also a retard. "Bawww, i love her more then anyone. What would i do if any harm came to her?" Are you fucking kidding me! Just...just...ARGH!

Forget i hate Guinevere more than any other person in history, okay? Let's forget that bit for a minute. Gwen has been at Morgana's side how long? Arthur didn't give a shit. Merlin literally knocked him on his ass and opened his eyes to the "little people" and Arthur still didn't give a shit. Gwen suddenly talks to Arthur like Merlin does and THEN he gives a shit!

Gwen's father fell ill. Who didn't give a shit? Arthur. Gwen's father was sentenced to death and then, like, died. Who gave a tiny shit but still didn't do much but give condolences? Arthur. Whose mother Arthur had never met needed help and he not only got an audience with the king but rode out against orders to protect her? Merlin's. What does Merlin do whenever Arthur is in danger? Freak the fuck out and forfeit his life to save him. What does Arthur do when Merlin is in danger? Internally freak the fuck out and forfeit his life (and resurrect a unicorn) to save him. What does Gwen do when Arthur or Merlin or anyone is in danger? Sit on her ass and fret. Merlin could have held Arthur's hand on his deathbed too but he was a little busy keeping him alive.

Arthur says he can't have his father know how he feels about Gwen, a servant, BUT he's told (and showed) his father how he feels about Merlin, a servant, on multiple occasions. And omg did he seriously just mention the possibility of marrying her? This happened with Sophia and everyone suspected something was wrong. This happens with Gwen and...? What is this double-standard? What is this madness? How many more kingdoms must fall because of undeserving vagina?!?

I was just all "let's take a peak at how the new season of Merlin is doing" and now i'm horribly depressed and maniacally homicidal as only Guinevere can do to me. Really? You're gonna ruin my enjoyment the second ep in? Really? I was expecting to at least go half the season before i had to stop and pretend the show was canceled. What's the fucking rush? And how can she be the "Once and Future Queen"? There is no future! She fucking DIED at the end of her miserable whore!life! Only Arthur and Merlin will return one day! Her being dead for good is the only thing that stopped me from committing genocide and rewriting the story in my victims' blood as a child. You think i'm kidding.

Meanwhile, i'm not watching Heroes because House is on at the same time. But House is sucking so hard i may be forced to switch, and doesn't that just hurt my soul. Glee still blows when there's no singing going on. Like fifteen-year-olds are writing the scripts. And not the good kind, either. The kind you want to light fire to.

Really, the only highlight of my week is Community with Joel Mchale. I laugh so hard i cry.

But i'm gonna go back to raging now.

Really? Really?

I just found out in one version of the legend, Merlin's father is an incubus. Cha-ching!

Sorry, go back to what you were doing.

Oh, House. Why did your premiere suck? And why must every woman on the show (besides Cuddy) be an unlikable, cheating bitch-slut-ho? Could have done without the improbable sex scene. "Patient" subplot was seen a mile away and took way too long. Don't even get me started on the 99% lack of Wilson. Lame, man. Lame.

Did Heroes premiere also? Did i miss Darth Maul? God help the House writers if i missed Maulie!

Work still sucks.

I'm depressed. Really, really bad period this month. Seriously thought i'd need a hospital one night. But it's a good thing i worked through the pain and wanting to pass out because, like, no insurance. Then work is threatening to give me ulcers and i hate having bosses who have NO IDEA about the medical profession. NONE.

But anyway....how was the season premiere of Merlin?

I want our lab tech to fucking quit already. Or get fired. It's obvious she hates her job and everyone there, and it's widely known even the bosses walk on eggshells around her. WHY HAS SHE BEEN THERE NINE YEARS?!

Also, i'm sick of being asked to draw someone when i'm busy doing a different job at the moment and Derek is off in the halls avoiding his job. My first question is always "Where's Derek?" and the response is always a shoulder shrug. It's especially annoying when i'm running the lab and every second counts in order for me to leave on time (i hate that damn machine), and i'll be asked no less than 3 times to stop what i'm doing and draw someone. Derek either is taking like a 2 hours lunch or completely left for the day.

To help conclude my bitch post: Merlin won't let me go despite my hate. The porn is too good or i'll come across a picture of the boys smiling. Remember when i would scream burning death threats at my tv during SG-1 but wouldn't stop watching it? I'm going down the same road, i bet.

I want to watch a version of King Arthur where he goes "Oh, so this is why it's always awkward with you two in the same room. Heh, crazy." then puts Gwen and Lancelot to death before having a raging kegger and ruling for many decades to come. The end.

Don't wanna go back to work. :(

How To End A Merlin Obsession:

1) Read an interview promising big Arthur/Gwen developments along with the Lancelot issue already.

And that's basically it. That's enough. The fondly titled "gayest show on television" by fans and critics felt they just had to remind me why i hate Arthurian legend in the first place. Seems they couldn't quite make it AU enough. I'll be in the corner sobbing.

Far too many empires fall all because of vagina.

Okay, i could only go back to 8/20 so if i should know something before then...

What's been happening with me? Work has stolen my life. They run me ragged. I'm now a phlebotomist, lab assistant (just had a wonderful week doing that, thanks), unofficial IV nurse, and they keep trying to teach me to be an MA but i'm playing stupid because...no. Enough, man. I'm working from 8am to 5pm, but many times i'll be forced to stay until 7pm. I just want to come home, read porn and SLEEP.

Fuck, they taught me to access a PICC line the other day and scared me half to death because only RN's are supposed to do that. They assure me working under the doctor's license and permission is enough to cover my ass, but...

In other news, i bring you The Stages of Merlin Obsession:

1) What is this madness?! Arthurian legend should never be screwed with this much!
2) Well...i guess it's okay. At least there's lots of gay.
3) The Arthurian legend always sucked now that i think about it! This is better.
4) This is the true story! Arthur and Merlin were in love! What took us so long?
5) ArthurMerlinArthurMerlinArthurMerlinArthurMerlinArthurMerlinArthurMerlinArthurMerlinArthurMerlin
6) They find you dead from lack of food and sleep, with a warm laptop in your hands.

In more immediate news: I bought Across The Universe and liked it at first. I mean, the love story between Jude and Max was beautiful. But then they got rid of Max using a convenient war and had the main boring, generic love story between Jude and Max's sister. Like so many, many movies do. And of course even Max would walk in on them and wish them nothing but the best. Brothers walk in on their cum-dumpster sisters and best friend all the time in the naked afterglow and don't even blink. It's so realistic! Fuck you. Women should be ashamed of every story like that.

Yes, i'm still crazy.

Last update 13 weeks ago??? Holy shiznit!

Okay, so the 20-22 i ran the lab all by myself. School had taught me how to run lab tests by hand, but i was using this giant Dade Behring machine that requires so much more than five days of basic training to fully learn. Not even five days since two of those days the lab tech that was supposed to be teaching me left me on my own to see if i was ready. Are you fucking kidding me? I could have told you i wasn't ready! And i proved this by constantly running back and forth from the lab to the breakroom to ask questions, severely delaying tests. On the last day i asked the tech if she had anything written down that would help me. She answered no, because she had been doing this 9 years. You read that, right? She said no.

The first day alone i was so near tears i almost quit. I was seriously ready to run to my boss and say "see ya!" Thank god an MA who had run the lab for a month some time ago popped in to help me. Not only with his experience but BY POINTING OUT IT HAD AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL!!! The tech couldn't tell me this?? With his help i managed to survive.

The second day, THE MACHINE BROKE. I did nothing! I turned it on and it kept giving me error messages and wouldn't run anything. The manual didn't help and the helpful MA was at another office. I asked our own IT guys if they could help but they had no clue. We began a massive hunt for any kind of help number for the machine. It was written nowhere and of course the tech had not told me anything. After wanting to quit again, i finally found a small help number written on a business card. Their tech support is the ONLY reason i didn't run out of there screaming. They were so nice and understanding. The problem was the machine's back-up disk was bad and i had to put in a new one. Only i couldn't FIND any disks. They very nicely got me started without the new disk and sent some over-night to me. I adopted them into my family. Not long after that, the MA got word i needed help and the doctor sent him right over. Another crisis averted.

Third day! Got the new disks and as soon as the machine started giving me the finger i called tech support for guidance. I replaced the disk (the old one was five months old and you're supposed to replace them every 30 days) and everything stopped screeching at me. I let the MA stay with the doctor as i pretty much had things down. The only problem that day was a cardiac test wouldn't run no matter how many times i calibrated. I had to leave about 15 specimens for the tech to try to run on Tuesday. I didn't think that was too bad, right? The machine does it all in like an hour; she just had to get it working. I was running on schedule! I was going to leave on time and enjoy my 3-day weekend! Then at the last minute the machine threw me an error i'd never seen. Consulting the manual i found out i had to replace something. Fun! Took me an hour to get that done. But at least my hell was over.

Let me tell you, besides the manual, i also found a quick reference guide with fucking post-it notes inside the tech had written. She didn't tell me about this either. I was pissed.

When i got back to work the next week the tech apparently thought i'd done a shit job. She complained i'd left her lab a mess (i cleaned that place and restocked what i'd used, thank you!) and made her fall behind with those 15 specimens. Now she's constantly snipping at me about tiny things. How i don't spin my tubes down before handing them off to her. Um, we'd had this deal where she'd spin the tubes because she usually gets them before they've clotted. Why had that changed? And she has started to bitch at me for drawing extra tubes for vitamin tests. The phleb before me would draw extra tubes every damn time someone had a small vitamin panel and no one complained. I did that before and no one complained. Now it's a problem?

I have to train with her again this Wednesday. I want to kill myself.

With so many horrible Bleach episodes, i'd forgotten what a fun one was like. Thanks #115. Also...~*~Oh, Aizen~*~ ♥♥♥♥

How does one get pubic hair in a urine cup? Honestly. If it was a woman i'd sorta understand, but a guy? How far down does his hairs go, man? *shudder* (Phlebs also perform urine tests, if you didn't know)

I took the former phleb Derek's job while he moved on to MA for a doc. He hates it and i feel bad for him. But i'm praying so hard he doesn't ask for his job back and they make me switch to MA. I like my job. Besides the difficult sticks, it's very relaxing. There is no greater satisfaction than a perfect stick where the needle feels like it simply went through air and the blood fills the tube quickly. Ahhhh.

So tired tho.